


The identity I have lost

by ShiinaShirakami



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 10:37:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14999090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShiinaShirakami/pseuds/ShiinaShirakami
Summary: She decides to endure it for too long. So long that her mask breaks to realize what's going on.





	The identity I have lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fiction I ever published. I kind of got inspired to write a pretty long angsty fiction after reading banditchika's really long SayoTsugu hanahaki fiction (it's really good so you should check it out). Thank you to youriko_is_my_jam for proofreading my work (and for reading it as many times as I did because I kept sending them the fiction whenever I updated it...). Anyway, have fun reading it!

 

_For how long have I worn that mask? That I’ve completely forgotten who I really am?_

 

_For how long will I continue?_

 

_For how long... ?_

 

_And, who am I?_

 

_Am I Seta Kaoru, the prince liked and admired by all girls?_

 

_Am I Kao-chan, the little timid girl who Chisato once knew?_

 

_Or am I neither…?_

 

* * *

 

Seta Kaoru, the most popular girl at her school, also known as the prince and member of the drama club. A tall girl with purple hair, usually tied up in a ponytail, and piercing crimson eyes. Handsome and princely is how most people would describe her. But is she really what she seems?

 

There she stands, amongst a flock of young maidens, flattering each and every one of them.

 

“Seta-senpai, would you mind if we ate lunch with you?”

“Seta-senpai, can I take a picture of you?”

“Kaoru-senpai, you’re so cool!”

“Seta-san, do you think this dress fits me?”

 

Noise, just noise. Everywhere. All around her. And she says what all of them want to hear. Whether they’re lies or not. As long as they hear them from her, they’re satisfied and happy. Seta Kaoru likes to make people happy. She believes that it’s all she needs. She just needs to make everyone happy and it’ll be fine.

 

But, who will make her happy?

 

“Other people’s happiness is enough to fill me with joy,” she thinks.

“As long as I make them smile, it’ll make me smile,” she adds.

 

Even though she’s not the one making them happy? Even though the one who’s making them happy is the prince that everyone adores and not Seta Kaoru?

 

“They want me to become their prince, therefore I am. They consider me as their prince, therefore I am. Thus, Seta Kaoru is the prince and the prince is Seta Kaoru.”

 

_But Kaoru, are you really the prince that everyone thinks you are?_

 

_Don’t you think you should drop the act?_

 

_Aren’t you getting tired of it?_

 

_Don’t you want everyone to recognize you for who you really are and not who they want you to be?_

 

_Right,_

 

_Kao-chan?_

 

“Seta-san, are you alright?” A voice cuts Kaoru off of her thoughts.

 

She’s still surrounded by all her fans. It seems like she wasn’t paying attention to what was going on. She was too focused on all these distracting thoughts.

 

“I apologize for worrying you for I am perfectly fine. I was simply rehearsing mentally for the next play. Though it seems like I was way too into it as I was trying to capture to fleetingness of the character I need to play as,” Kaoru responds as she does one of her usual princely manners.

 

All the girls were amazed at how dedicated she was to her plays. How dedicated she was to acting.

 

Kaoru soon excused herself, saying that she has something urgent to do.

 

In reality, she just wanted to have a breath of fresh air without being surrounded by all those people fawning over the mask she created.

 

She walks home at a steady pace, greets a few passersby, as Seta Kaoru was known to do, and finally arrives at her own little shelter. She opens the door. Nobody is at home yet.

 

Good.

 

She enters, takes off her shoes and goes to her room. After this long and exhausting day, all she wants now is to rest, away from all social contact. She can finally take off her mask.

 

This soothing silence doesn’t last long however.

 

Her phone vibrates, signaling that she received a message. Whoever it was, she doesn’t want to respond, she just wants to enjoy her little time alone. But that would be unlike Seta Kaoru. So she picks up her phone and reads the message. It was a message from her band’s group chat. It seems like they wanted to hold a practice session in an hour from now since everyone else is free and they’re asking Kaoru if it’s her case too.

 

She gets up from her bed and walks to her balcony.

 

“Let’s enjoy a little more of this fresh air and calming silence before going back to the chaos that is life…” she says as she gazes at the horizon.

 

Two minutes pass.

 

“I shall not make them wait any longer as it would be unlike ‘myself’,”. she thinks.

 

She then returns to the dark place that is her room, as she had decided to not turn on the lights to bathe into this tranquility, void of any disturbances. She puts back her mask, answers her bandmates and leaves her shelter.

 

* * *

 

“Kaoru-san, when will you be available for the next practice session?” asks Misaki.

 

It only takes a second for the younger girl to regret talking to her.

 

“Ah, Misaki.. Time is fleeting as is life. Every second counts but none would matter in the end…” answers the purple-haired girl as she does a dramatic pose.

 

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Misaki says while letting out an exasperated sigh.

 

Kaoru flicks her hair and smiles, going back to her usual pose.

 

“My apologies. I have a play coming up soon so I doubt I’d be available anytime soon. However, there’s a possibility that I might have some free time the day after tomorrow. Everyone from the drama club is resting that day to refresh their minds and bodies,” Kaoru responds, a little more seriously this time.

 

Misaki nods and writes that down in her notebook and goes off asking the other members about their schedule.

 

She sits at a table not far from her bandmates and starts looking outside. As she was distracted she doesn’t notice when someone sits at the same table as her until they call out to her.

 

“Kaoru,” calls a familiar voice.

 

She turns around to see none other than Chisato.

 

“Oh, isn’t that Chisato. It’s unusual for you to call me out like that. You’d usually just pass by me and, until I greet you myself, act as if you didn’t see I was there,” Kaoru says in a nonchalant tone, almost playful.

 

“I’d say you’re the unusual one here for not being the center of attention flattering each and every girl you see. Instead you’re not looking at anything in particular, distracted enough to not even notice someone sitting at the same table as you,” Chisato repliesdryly.

 

The taller girl is taken aback for a split second but recovers fast enough for Chisato to not notice.

 

“As the great bard would say ‘One touch of nature makes the whole world kin’. I was simply mesmerized by the greatness that is nature,” Kaoru announces proudly.

 

The blond-haired girl raises an eyebrow, slightly confused at what Kaoru said.

 

“There’s barely any ‘nature’ around, except for maybe a few bushes and trees.”

 

Kaoru looks out to the window to check if what she said was true. And it was indeed the case. Since they were inside a studio, in a city, there usually isn’t much greenery around.

 

“Bushes and trees are still part of nature, and because of the few greeneries we can see in the city, these rarities should be enjoyed as much as possible,” answers Kaoru.

 

Chisato sighs. She thinks for a moment then gets up from her chair.

 

“I thought you were feeling down but it seems like you’re still feeling good enough to act like that. But please don’t overdo it. You might reach your limit if you don’t take a break from time to time,” she says to Kaoru.

 

Chisato waits for Kaoru’s reply. The purple-haired girl simply smiles, as if she didn’t understand what Chisato meant, and adds one of her princely quotes. Chisato lets out another sigh before leaving.

 

“As expected of Chisato, she saw right through me… I guess it’s not easy to deceive a talented actress like her…” Kaoru says in a barely audible voice.

 

“And this is the reason why I’ve been doing all of that, to be good enough for someone like you. Be someone equal to have the right to stand beside you. However, if you were able to see my real face despite the fact that I’m wearing a mask, it means that I’m still not good enough. I need to work harder,” she adds in her thoughts.

 

She then gets up and joins her bandmates who were chatting merrily.

 

* * *

 

 

Days pass by without any complication. However, Seta Kaoru has been working hard. Really hard. Barely sleeping to perfect her acting. Because of that, she’s been acting almost non stop, always wearing her mask.

 

Breaks are supposed to be important. But she seems to have forgotten. She doesn’t even notice the cracks that have appeared on her mask.

 

Of course she doesn’t, she can’t see her own mask if she’s always wearing it.

 

But what does she actually feel?

 

Is she sad? Is she happy? Is she proud? Or… Is she tired?

 

“I’m content,” she thinks.

 

Is she really?

 

Isn’t she actually feeling a void, an emptiness in her heart and pain all over her body…? Isn’t she suffering all alone in silence? Hiding all this pain under this crackled mask that she forged?

 

“Nothing else matters until my acting is flawless,” she adds.

 

Seta Kaoru is not honest. She tries to convince herself that everything is fine despite being in pain.

 

Again and again she tells herself that it’s not enough yet. Again and again she forces herself. Again and again she keeps wearing her mask.

 

She has forgotten who she was. Who she’s supposed to be.

 

But “Nothing else matters”. Her longing for Chisato became a sickness. Her objective to be her equal became a curse. Her thoughts became tangled. She doesn’t think rationally anymore.

 

What would Chisato think of all of that?

 

“She would be proud that I work so hard for her. Seta Kaoru will finally be an equal she’ll be proud of.”

 

What about yourself?

 

“I’m glad to be able to satisfy all of my fans by getting better at acting. I’m happy when I can make them happy. Making people smile heals my own wounds, however deep they are. I’m doing that for myself, as well as for everyone else. There is no problem with that. Seta Kaoru lives up to everyone’s expectations and in return she gets her own self-satisfaction. Isn’t that great?”

 

Those are her answers everytime she asks herself these questions. Repeating these words as if they would magically erase all of her pain and suffering.

 

She knows it. She’s almost at her limits but she doesn't want to believe it. Not yet. Not until everything is perfect.

 

* * *

 

One day, on her way to school, she suddenly feels lightheaded. She feels like she’s going to throw up. Her mask is crumbling. Everything looks blurry. It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to see. She puts her hand to a nearby wall to steady herself but it doesn’t help much.

 

She’s panting heavily as if deprived of air. Her head hurts badly, really badly.

 

What is going on? Why is it happening?

 

She does her best to walk to a bench to sit down and rest. But it’s hard. Terribly hard. She can barely walk one step without feeling like she’s going to faint at any time. She takes it slow. Carefully, one step after another. Cold sweats run down her face and neck.

 

It hurts. It hurts so much.

 

After what seemed like an eternity, she finally reaches the bench and sits down. She takes time to steady her breathing but she still has troubles with it. She’s nearly gasping for air at this point.

 

Is it because she neglected her body? Is it because she neglected her mental health?

 

At this point she doesn’t know anymore. All she wanted was for all of this to stop. She just wanted to rest. To forget everything.

 

No, she can’t do that. She needs to continue, she doesn’t have time to rest. She’s only going to waste precious time she could use to improve herself.

 

She tries to get up but in vain. She can’t even move any of her limbs. Frozen in place.

 

She’s tired.

 

It hurts.

 

She gathers the pieces of her mask together and put it back on.

 

Everything is fine. She just needs to go through another day. She’s used to this. She has always been doing this. There is nothing wrong.

 

As soon as she gets up, she feels her pain doubled. At this point she knows that most of the pain is not real, a part of her imagination. Of her tired mind. She’s not physically hurt. But because she has been pushing herself mentally, without taking breaks, she’s been hurting, suffering. So much that it had taken a toll on her own body.

 

“Seta Kaoru is strong,” she tells herself.

 

It takes her everything just to walk to school like she always did.

 

However, this doesn’t last long. After going through this day with a flawless acting of ‘Seta Kaoru’, as soon as school ended she withdrew herself into an isolated place. Somewhere dark, empty, with no one to find her, to look at her, to talk to her. Without anyone else but her.

 

This isolated place was behind the school, a place surrounded by trees, grass and all sort of greeneries. Not many people knew of it since only few people would wander around here.

 

It was the afternoon, almost evening. The trees blocked most of the sunlight. Kaoru just lied there, on the grass. Looking above her, gazing at the leaves, the trees, the birds to keep her mind off of her suffering.

 

It doesn’t work.

 

She managed to go through the day but not without complications. At numerous times she felt like throwing up but was somehow able to keep it in by getting some cold drinks. At numerous times she wanted to just stop everything and go home to rest but she couldn’t, she had to keep up this facade.

 

She’s just tired and in pain. She barely remembers why she’s doing this. She’s starting to think that all of this is pointless, there’s no reason to keep hurting herself like that.

 

Without realizing it, she dozes off.

 

* * *

 

 

She wakes up to the ringtone of her phone. She’s in an unfamiliar place. She takes the time to examine her surrounding then she remembers that she was resting there and somehow fell asleep.

 

“This is unlike me…” she says to herself.

 

She looks at her phone to see who is calling her. ‘Shirasagi Chisato’ is the name written on it. Without an ounce of hesitation, she answers the call.

 

“Hello Chisato, it is unusual for you to call me. Although I was just starting to miss your lovely voice,” Kaoru says in her usual princely tone.

 

“...”

 

“Chisato?”

 

She hears light breathing on the other side of the phone so she knows that Chisato, or at least someone, is here. But for some reason she only starts talking after a short moment of silence.

 

“You ask me why I’m calling you? I thought you were a little smarter than that. Your family is worried about you, you’re still not at home even though it’s this late! They even told me that you’ve been neglecting your health, that they could hear you practice in the middle of the night and sometime go out and only return at an incredibly late hour! And you know? I’m worried about you!” Chisato cries angrily.

 

Kaoru is taken aback. She then composes herself in a mere second.

 

“You don’t have to worry about me for I am completely fine. I might have slightly forgotten to take care of my health but my body is robust and wouldn’t be degraded by something like that. Ah… For you to worry about me… How fleeting…” answers Kaoru in a graceful manner.

 

She then hears a loud sigh. It didn’t seem like the usual “What am I going to do with you” sigh. It seemed more like a really angry “I have enough of your stupid shit” sigh. That was expected. Kaoru knows that Chisato really dislikes this personality she created. But because she didn’t want to show any weaknesses, she didn’t want to be ‘the weak Kao-chan’, she had to put up with it. She didn’t want Chisato to worry about her and waste some of her precious time for someone like her.

 

“Kaoru, where are you?”

 

She’s surprised at how calm Chisato sounded when she asked that. It was almost… Gentle? But she’s not sure if she should answer or not. If Chisato saw her in this state, will she get angry? Will she pity her weakness? Will she be sad? Will she be happy?

 

She doesn’t know.

 

But, unconsciously, she answers.

 

“In the forest, behind the school.”

 

It was an almost inaudible voice. Like a whisper.

 

“...I want to see you,” Kaoru adds, in an even quieter voice.

 

“Don’t you move from where you are. I’m coming to see you,” Chisato responds almost instantly before ending the call.

 

Kaoru realizes what she has done. She showed a moment of weakness. This is unlike Seta Kaoru. She shouldn’t have done that.

 

Why did she do that?

 

Wasn’t everything going perfectly fine?

 

She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know the answer. She just sits there, on the grass, staring at nothing in particular.

 

Ah, that’s right, it hurts so much…

 

She almost forgot all her pain during her short conversation with Chisato, but now all of her suffering comes back to her, as if thousands of spears pierced her body all at once.

 

Devoid of strength, she just falls back on the grass.

 

“I want to see Chi-chan,” she thinks.

 

“I shouldn’t,” she retorts to herself.

 

She closes her eyes. Why does everything hurt? Why does she have to suffer? Isn’t she supposed to be fine?

 

She almost feels like crying. Her emotions are a mess but she’s keeping them all inside. She’s not letting them pour out. She’s not allowed to. Her heart is aching, almost like it’s burning inside. Her head hurts.

 

“Everything… Is fine…” she says in a weak voice.  
  
“No,” she hears, surprised because she didn’t expect a response from anyone.

 

She then opens her eyes to see, above her, a blond-haired girl with eyes of similar color to hers, slightly panting and sweating. Did she run there? Either way, she doesn’t look happy and actually looks pretty angry.

 

Kaoru is almost overwhelmed with emotions at the sight of her childhood friend but she somehow keeps up the act despite having broken it a little during the phone call.

 

“Oh, hey there Chisato. Fancy meeting you there. This is a pretty nice place, it’s really peaceful and you can feel the gentle embrace of mother nature. Feel free to enjoy it with me,” declares Kaoru elegantly.

 

Chisato doesn’t respond. Instead, she just sits down near Kaoru’s head. She then carefully puts both of her hands on Kaoru’s cheeks and places her head just above hers to look directly into her eyes. Kaoru is a little taken aback by that and tries to look away but she can’t. It’s impossible for her to not stare into these beautiful eyes.

 

“Chi-Chisato..?” Kaoru says nervously.

 

Chisato sighs.

 

“You know, despite how much I want to punch you because you’re still showing me your ridiculous act even though you’re at your limit, I still care and worry about you,” answers Chisato in a kind and soothing voice.

 

Kaoru doesn’t know what to respond to that. She’s speechless. She makes a slightly sad and pained face in response. Then she breaks eye contact by looking to the side to not have to face Chisato’s reaction to that.

 

“So you’re finally starting to be honest,” says the blond-haired girl.

 

She feels something soft touch her forehead for a few seconds.

 

A kiss? Why?

 

She quickly looks back at Chisato, searching for the answer.

 

“A reward. Because you were nice,” responds Chisato, as if she read her mind.

 

A slight blush appears on the taller girl’s cheeks but she tries to hide her embarrassment with her acting.

 

“I-I thank you for this wonderful gift my adorable princess. However, a kiss on the lips would’ve been better, don’t you think?” she says with a cheeky smile.

 

“Oh? So you want a kiss on the lips? I didn’t know you were so bold to ask something like that,” answers Chisato with a similar smile.

 

Oh, no. This was a mistake.

 

She sees Chisato’s face approach dangerously. Is she really going to kiss her? Or is it just a bluff? She doesn’t know. Either way, she just lets it happen.

 

Soft lips on hers. Sweet scent. The kiss was short but the feeling still lingers.

 

Kaoru suddenly gets up, still being careful enough to not bump her head into Chisato’s, and walks a few steps back. She then sits there, blushing furiously and looks at Chisato, dumbfounded.

 

She tries to get back into her acting mode but her mind is such a mess that she cannot form any word. However, she does notice the slight blush on Chisato’s face, despite her acting as if it was nothing.

 

“Now that I’ve given you what you asked, just be honest with me. Stop keeping your pain all inside yourself.”

 

Chisato was looking at her with serious eyes. Kaoru gains back her composure and hesitates.

 

“Be honest? What are you talking about my dear princess? I am always honest. In fact, you cannot find anyone more honest than me,” replies Kaoru proudly.

 

Chisato gets up and walks toward Kaoru, she then sits on Kaoru’s laps, facing her.

  
“Be honest with me and drop this stupid act,” she says, grabbing Kaoru’s collar.

 

“So straightforward, that is just like you,” responds Kaoru, more serious this time.

 

Chisato is almost intimidated by those piercing crimson eyes of her now that she’s more serious. Almost like the eyes of a predator. Dark and deep. She can see sadness in these eyes, as well as pain.

 

Kaoru’s eyes then look gentler, she puts her hands on her childhood friend’s cheeks.

 

“This is one of the things I like about you,” she adds in a soft voice.

 

Chisato’s heart skips a beat but she tries to look unfazed. However, she couldn’t control the reddening of her own face.

 

Kaoru notices but she decides to not comment on that, as it doesn’t seem appropriate at a serious moment like this one.

 

“Are you sure you want to know my honest thoughts? Are you sure you want to be burdened by my suffering? You can always refuse and we will act as if nothing happened here and go back to our normal lives,” asks the purple-haired girl.

 

Chisato simply nods in response, she looks determined.

 

Kaoru then looks down and puts her forehead against her childhood friend’s chest to hide her face. She’s crying.

 

“Ah.. I definitely can’t win against you…” she adds in a whispery voice.

 

Kaoru feels a hand gently caressing her hair. She tries her best to not become a crying mess because of how much Chisato’s actions touch her. After a few seconds she manages to compose herself enough to be able to form correct sentences to tell her childhood friend about everything she went through.

 

After talking for a long while, she finally finishes.

 

She looks up at Chisato to see her reaction, to know what she thinks about it. After all, everything she did was for her, and no one else.

 

She’s smiling, it’s such a tender smile that it could melt her heart.

 

“Thank you for telling me. You’re such an idiot for going through all of this just for me,” she says in a sad but slightly playful tone.

 

“I never thought that you were not good enough to stand beside me, even when you were the shy Kao-chan. So please, stop hurting yourself by overworking. Try being honest from time to time. Don’t always keep that mask on. Look at the state it’s in now. Please, take care of yourself. If not for you, at least do it for me,” she adds, almost looking like she’s about to cry.

 

Kaoru gives her a reassuring smile in response and gently caresses her cheek. To think that just talking to her about it would make her feel so much better in such a short amount of time. They say that communication is important, and only now does she understand that…

 

She wants to get up, but in order to do that she would have to get Chisato off of her. So she decides to lift Chisato in a princess carry and stands up.

 

Chisato didn’t expect that and gets startled.

 

“Thank you, Chisato,” she says, looking at her with such caring eyes that Chisato can’t help getting lost into them, enjoying its warmth.

 

“Now, can you put me down, Kaoru?”

 

“No, I’ll take you home like that. After all, you did so much for me. This is the least I can do to thank you,” she responds with a grin.

 

“Wha-”

 

Chisato barely has the time to protest before Kaoru lands a soft kiss on her forehead.

 

“Another gift to express my gratitude,” she says.

 

Chisato is frustrated that she cannot fight back, she just tries her best to hide her blush and lets Kaoru take her home in a princess carry.

 

Before parting ways, Kaoru decides to quote the great bard, since it would be unlike her to not do so.

 

“As the great bard would say ‘Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.’ and thus, that is how it is.”

 

Chisato giggles at this unnecessary action and smiles in response. What a sweet smile. She can look at it forever if she didn’t have to go home…

 

After that, Kaoru goes back home and sleeps.

 

* * *

 

The day after that meaningful night was a Saturday, so Kaoru didn’t have school. She decided to make use of this free time to rest and to think.

 

Now, who is Seta Kaoru?

 

The prince admired by everyone?

 

The shy little girl she once was?

 

Or... Neither?

 

“Both,” she responds in her thoughts.

 

“Seta Kaoru is not only the popular prince that everyone likes and admire, but also, behind that, the shy girl she once was. Although I’m certainly less shy than before and I have considerably matured since then, but I’m still me. My acting is part of me, so is that prince personality I forged. I was always myself, Seta Kaoru, and was never someone else,” she adds.

 

“However, I’m not exactly the prince nor the shy girl either. But I’m still both. It’s somewhat contradicting but this is the truth I came to,” she admits proudly.

 

She takes out her phone and sends a message to Chisato, asking her to meet her tomorrow at 4 PM in the cafe in front of CiRCLe.

 

“I have to properly confess to her…” Kaoru says to herself.

 

She thinks back to that kiss that she couldn’t forget and kept her awake for almost the whole night. If it wasn’t for how tired she was, she most likely wouldn’t have been able to sleep. Did it have any meaning to it?

 

Seta Kaoru is not stupid. She did notice the few hints that would indicate that Chisato does have feelings for her but she doesn’t want to be too full of herself either. She could be wrong and misinterpreting her feelings. As long as there is at least a one percent chance that she’s wrong, she will still have doubts.

 

Chisato responds to her message only a few seconds later. That was fast. She accepted to meet her tomorrow. Kaoru can’t help getting overjoyed by this. Especially because of how fast Chisato texted her back. This means that she was paying attention to her phone. Maybe she was waiting for Kaoru to send her a message? No, she shouldn’t be too hopeful. But she keeps that possibility in mind. Maybe she should ask her about it tomorrow.

 

Either way, she now has to think about how she’s going to confess. She doesn’t know if she should go with a flashy romantic confession like Seta Kaoru would be known to do. Or go with a more normal confession.

 

“I guess I’ll make some preparations for a flashy confession but I’ll let my feelings guide me once it’s time. That would be the most fitting for Seta Kaoru. A confession guided by my own feelings… How fleeting…” Kaoru says to herself.

 

* * *

 

 

It is currently 2 PM. Seta Kaoru went to the meeting place two hours early.

 

“It is to make sure that the preparations are perfect. I, Seta Kaoru, need to be able to perform a perfect confession after all,” thinks Kaoru, trying to convince herself.

 

Well, it wasn’t completely a lie. She did come early to prepare, but only mentally. She has a bouquet or beautiful red roses placed beside her chair, to not attract too much attention. She doesn’t really have anywhere to hide something that visible so she already knows that, no matter what she does, Chisato will most likely see the bouquet before she confesses. Since there wouldn’t be any surprises when it comes to the bouquet, she needs to think about something else.

 

“What would someone as great as me do for a splendid confession of love?” she asks herself.

 

“No, actually, it would be better to ask myself another question. What kind of confession would make Chisato happy?” rectifies Kaoru.

 

She thinks of numerous scenarios and how Chisato would react to all of them. After a good amount of mental simulations she comes to the conclusion that Chisato probably wouldn’t like a confession that’s too showy. So, instead of the bouquet, she decides to only take one rose and gave away the rest of the roses to young girls who passed by. These girls were overjoyed to get roses from such a handsome stranger.

 

It’s now almost time for the meeting, Chisato would usually come around 30 to 15 min before the meeting time. Having only a single rose made it easier to hide it, so she can at least surprise her now. As for the rest, she didn’t prepare anything and decided to just make up everything during the confession. At least that would be more sincere and Chisato seems to prefer when she’s honest. But before confessing, they will go through a regular date.

 

Kaoru just realized that she didn’t ask Chisato to go on a date, but just asked her to meet her. Now she hopes that Chisato is not going to refuse walking around with her…

 

Suddenly, she hears light steps approaching. A short girl with a slim and beautiful figure, magnificent long blond hair and a pure white dress comes to her.

 

“Hello Kaoru, did you wait long?” asks Chisato.

 

“No, don’t worry,” replies Kaoru.

 

She hesitated to add the cliché “I just got there” but she preferred to not lie too much. After all, she knew that Chisato would discover the truth.

 

“You know, I passed by there an hour ago to walk Leon and I saw you so I know you’ve waited for at least an hour,” adds the blond-haired girl.

 

As Kaoru predicted, she knew. But no worries, she had prepared the perfect Shakespeare quote for that.

 

“As the great bard would say ‘Better three hours too soon than a minute too late.’,“ Kaoru responds gracefully.

 

Chisato looks at her suspiciously then nods in agreement. But then she decides to add something.

 

“I don’t know how early you came here, but does that mean you were excited to see me?” she says, grinning.

 

Kaoru can’t deny that. Because she was in fact excited to see her. She’s in love with Chisato so of course she would want to see her as much as she can. She gets a little flustered but then comes up with something to respond with.

 

“Of course I would be excited to see such a beauty like you. And, not only that, but I enjoy your company as much as you are beautiful,” Kaoru says, hopefully without fumbling.

 

Everything she said was the truth. Although she tried to hide her embarrassment by carefully choosing her words, she was being completely honest there. And Chisato notices that. She blushes a little at this realization. She lets out a small cough.

 

“So, why did you want to meet me?” asks Chisato.

 

“I simply wanted to wander around the city with you, a date as you’d call. Only if you are free of course,” replies Kaoru elegantly.

Chisato thinks about it a little but then replies with a calm “Sure”. Kaoru is of course happy about that but doesn’t let it show too much.

 

After that they get some coffee and tea and chat a little at the cafe before leaving to walk around. They wander around aimlessly, having short but agreeable conversations. However, none of them mention anything about that Friday night. That is, until they decide to sit at a bench near a fountain.

 

No one is there except for them. The place is empty and the sun is about to go down. A romantic setting as one would say. Kaoru decides that it’s a good moment to start a conversation that would slowly lead to her confession.

 

“Hey, Chisato?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“You know, that night, why did you actually kiss me when you could have just brushed it off like you’d always do?”

 

A moment of silence goes between the two. Kaoru looks in Chisato’s eyes. Kaoru is serious, more serious than she’d ever be. Chisato is slightly surprised at this and stares for a few more second before turning her eyes to face to ground.

 

“I’m actually not sure myself,” she says, still looking at the ground.

 

“At first I intended to brush you off. But, somehow, when I looked at you, at your state, I thought ‘Maybe I should do it’. And before I knew it, I actually did it. When I realized that what was done was done, I decided to use it to make you talk, talk about how hurt you were. And maybe stop your suffering,” adds Chisato, looking back at Kaoru.

 

“Then… Did that kiss have any meaning?” asks Kaoru while staring deeply into Chisato’s eyes.

 

Chisato is hesitant to answer. She looks back and forth between the ground and Kaoru. She opens her mouth slightly but cannot form any words then closes it back. She thinks. And before she can answer, she feels a hand hold her chin, she glances back at Kaoru’s face, who suddenly got close.

 

“Even if it didn’t have any meaning to you, it did to me,” says Kaoru.

 

She’s staring at her with such sincere eyes that Chisato cannot help but feels her heart getting warmer at this sight and her heartbeat getting faster.

 

“I love you deeply. You are the world to me, and even if you refuse this confession of mine, I will continue to cherish you no matter the circumstances. So, this kiss, which might have been meaningless to you, was something I will always remember. I mean, getting kissed by the one I love is something I’ve always dreamed of,” adds Kaoru with a warm smile.

 

Kaoru then takes out a beautiful red rose, it was the prettiest out of all the roses from the bouquet she had before getting rid of it. She puts the rose in Chisato’s hair.

 

“As always, you really do look good with anything…”

 

Chisato is left speechless. She’s not sure what to say.

 

Kaoru gets up from the bench.

 

“You can take your time to answer the confession. Actually, you don’t need to answer it. I’m already satisfied by confessing to you. Goodbye Chisato, I love you,” Kaoru says while waving at her, with a somewhat sad smile.

 

Just before Kaoru starts walking Chisato grabs her by the sleeve.

 

“Wait...!” she cries suddenly.

 

The purple-haired girl is taken aback by this unexpected action. She decides to turn back to face Chisato.

 

“Why are you leaving before even letting me talk?!”

 

“You’ve always been like that, when things don’t seem to go your way, you prefer to avoid them and leave!”

 

“You know, about that kiss, it did have a meaning! So, before leaving…”

 

“Let me at least tell you how I feel!”

 

Just as she said that, she got up from the bench, pulled Kaoru closer to her height and kissed her. Again, an unexpected action for Kaoru. She’s even more surprised and has no idea how to react to that.

 

The kiss last way longer than the one they had last time. Because this one carries both of their feelings. The feelings they had so much trouble conveying with words. They both pull each other closer, enjoying it fully. It’s sweet. It’s warm. They don’t know how much time before they finally decide to separate from each other.

 

They’re both dumbfounded. Awkward. Of course they would be, this was something that they had never experienced before. Flustered and embarrassed as they are, they simply decide hold each other’s hand and look at each other while searching for what to say. Finally, the first one to talk is Chisato.

 

“So, the proud and elegant prince can also make faces like that, huh. Right, Kao-chan?” she says with a cheeky smile.

 

“Ch-Chi-chan…!” Kaoru replies visibly embarrassed.

 

“You can really be cute sometime. That’s one of the things I love about you,” adds Chisato.

 

She then decides to kiss Kaoru on the cheek as Kaoru’s face flushes even more. To get back at Chisato for this slight humiliation, she tries to come up with something. Something that would make her embarrassed.

 

She decides to stare deeply into Chisato’s eyes, resulting in a confused and slightly flustered Chisato. She then takes her hand and lands a light kiss on it.

 

“And what I love about you, what made my heart yours, is your everything,” she tells Chisato sincerely.

 

This took Chisato by surprise and her face quickly becomes red, almost as red as the rose in her hair. Because it wasn’t an act. Because it was sincere, and it was from her dear Kao-chan.

 

Kaoru giggles in response and receives a really light punch on the arm by a flustered Chisato. They then look at each other and laugh.

 

After that, holding each other’s hand, they decide to calmly walk home. Having finally found out about each other’s feelings they will continue to deeply care about each other for a long time. Of course they will have to announce that to their friends and bandmates. But that will be in another story.

 

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this somewhat long fiction. Hope you liked it. Feel free to leave comments or criticisms to help me improve. Please don't be too harsh though, as this is probably only the third time I wrote a story in English. Check out my Twitter @ShiinaShirakami if you want to talk to me or see my art stuff.


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